Starting Over After Diagnosis

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” ~ Seneca

Staring over is never easy, and seldom by choice, but if it has to be done why not do it the way you absolutely want to?

Sure, it sucks and it's hard. There is a mourning period for your life (the way it used to be) but once you move into acceptance of that change you can begin to think deeper about how parts of it wasn't necessarily working for you anyway. That's where transformation begins.

What do you want to change? How do you want others to see you moving forward? How do you want to see yourself? What is the true, authentic version of you that hadn't been give the full spotlight?

All of those questions and more floated through my mind during the days when I could barely get out of bed, or sit upright without feeling super-spacey and dizzy. But there's one thing about chronic illness is that it tend to give you plenty of time for deep thinking, since that's about all you can mange during flares.

For me, I spent a lot of time thinking about myself, how my brain shaped my world view and thoughts about myself, and how sometimes my brain did NOT have my best interests in mind (so to speak.) I also fell down the TikTok rabbit hole of soul healing, raising vibrations, coming to terms with flawed thought processes and many more brain-bending realizations.

I learned acceptance for the things I cannot change. I learned that just because I can't change something in the way my old self would, doesn't mean I'm out of options. I just have to readjust and plan my attack from a different angle-- one that accommodates my limitations.

I learned to give myself more grace and freedom to do things as I'm able, on my own schedule, and to silence the voice in my head telling me what I "should be" doing, thinking or feeling.

I learned to speak my truth and not give two flying shits about how others might perceive me. Their opinions don't matter, not one bit. The only opinion I should be worrying about is my own and if it's authentic to my "self" in all ways.

Starting over isn't fixed point in time either, it's an ever-evolving process, And while that change takes time, the little adjustments in your thinking, actions, perceptions... they add up over time.

So, what are you thinking today and will those thoughts help carry you into a brighter, more authentic future?

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