Mistakes Were Made: How To Get The Most Out Of Your Medical Appointments (Part Three)

This is the third part of a blog series on mistakes I made while trying to be taken seriously by medical professionals, and how you can avoid these pitfalls moving forward. I hope by sharing my observations and suggestions, more women will be able to avoid being gaslit, ignored, or misdiagnosed, and ultimately receive quality medical care.

I hope you find these tips helpful for improving the outcomes of doctor's appointments!

After many hours doom-scrolling social media and seeing countless women relate their experiences during medical appointments, I've compiled a list of things that I did or said that didn't help me receive the care I deserved. At the time, it never occurred to me that I needed to be a certain way or avoid saying certain things. I mean really, why should we need to play this game just to be believed, truly heard, and given care without bias or gaslighting?

In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to consider the following, but the world isn't perfect and until it is we deserve the best medical care possible.

Limit the amount of information you bring, or present, at each appointment

I once went eighteen months between Neurologist visits due to cancellations-- they rescheduled me twice, and each time it pushed me several more months further out. It had been a long time since my last disastrous visit and I'd received several new diagnosis and seen multiple specialists in the interim, Because of that, I'd brought a typed summary page to give the doctor as a quick catch-up, so he didn't have to write down a bunch of notes. I was TRYING to be helpful and it bit me right in the ass.

Not only did the Neurologist mock me for it, loudly, in the hall right outside of my exam room, but he made reference in the visit summary to my "note" and further stated that he questioned the validity of all my other diagnosis. His enormous ego aside, this humiliation only added to the anxiety I now feel when going to any medical appointment. As an introverted neurospicy gal, I already have to work very hard to ease my White Coat Syndrome prior to every appointment.

This is to say... one bad doctor can inflict so much damage in just one bad visit, so don't give them a single reason to write you off and move on to the next patient. It's a shame we have to think of things like this, but until the medical system gets a severe overhaul, it's where we're at, unfortunately.

Now for each appointment I try to keep it brief. I only bring a short list on my phone, or perhaps a small notepad, with 2-3 things I'd like to discuss at that appointment. This is usually the most pressing of my current problems, tailored to that specific doctor. Occasionally I might tack a quick list of medication refills or adjustments, or any tests or medication changes since I last saw them, just so they're up to speed.

On a related note, I've also seen others say they carry a medical binder to appointments, but I'd caution doing that with a new doctor, at least not on the first few visit. They only need the pertinent information to start. If you're going to see a new Cardiologist, they probably don't need to know about your arthritic joints, for example. You'll have to use your best judgment about what is relevant and what isn't at any given time.

I know that getting appointments and referrals is difficult given the current climate, and wait times are usually in the months, if not a year or more. So we tend to try and cram everything under the sun into the appointment when it finally arrives. Try to fight it, because burying a new doctor under an avalanche of information isn't gong to work out the way you want, I promise.

By sharing this, and my other observations over the last several years navigating the medical system, I want to help you avoid receiving sub-par medical care due to stereotyping and/or gaslighting. I'd also love to hear if you have any related ideas or thoughts on this subject!

Bright blessings!

~Jane