Mistakes Were Made: How To Get The Most Out Of Medical Appointments (Part One)

This is the first part of a series of posts on mistakes I made while trying to be taken seriously by medical professionals, and how you can avoid them moving forward. I hope by sharing my observations and suggestions, more women will be able to avoid being gaslit, ignored, or misdiagnosed, and ultimately receive quality medical care.

Learn From My Mistakes & Improve Your Healthcare Experience

After many hours doom-scrolling social media and seeing countless women relate their experiences during medical appointments, I've compiled a list of things that I did or said that didn't help me receive the care I deserved. At the time, it never occurred to me that I needed to be a certain way or avoid saying certain things. I mean really, why should we need to play this game just to be believed, truly heard, and given care without bias or gaslighting?

In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to consider the following, but the world isn't perfect and until it is we deserve the best medical care possible.

The Way We Present Ourselves Matters

I watched a TiK-ToK video where a woman was sharing advice that her sister had given her to be taken seriously at medical appointments. The advice was about the clothing you wear. She recommended that her sister wear business or business-casual clothing for any visits. I've since tried this, and it does seem to go a long way in being taken more seriously and not dismissed right out of the gate.

I'm going to assume that dressing like you just left your corporate job gives the impression of stability, someone who is a functional member of society. You are educated and intelligent, and you are level-headed and logical. It really isn't even about proving you are those things, it's about showing what you aren''t. You are not a "drug seeker" (insert eye roll here) and you are not mentally unstable (important because doctors love to jump right to an anxiety or mental health diagnosis). Business attire gives the immediate first impression that you are worthy of their time and attention.

Personally I think it's a fine line to walk. If I go in to see a doctor, especially if this is the first time I've seen them, and I'm dressed in ratty sweats and looking like a hot mess, I'm instantly stereotyped and dismissed. But, if I go too far in the other direction, meaning dressed to the nine's with a full face, then my concerns won't be taken a seriously either. I'll look too healthy to be as sick as I say I am. Dismissed again.

The importance of this first thing, your appearance, is about getting the doctor in the room and receptive to what you have to say. This is the first impression and it's oh-so important to set the tone for a productive conversation and exam.

Lately I've been going with a Librarian-meets-Office-Manager look. Hair pulled back into a neat bun and not my go-to messy bun. Neutral, basic clothing: dress pants or nice jeans, button-down shirt and blazer. I only put on basic makeup (foundation, concealer, lip gloss) and minimal jewelry. I do have some more-visible tattoos, but they are hidden beneath my long sleeves.

Should we HAVE to do this thing of dressing to fit someone's mental stereotype of a legitimate patient seeking help? Of course not. On some level I hate even suggesting it. But it's clear that society (at least in the US) has reached point where our medical care is severely lacking, and I don't know about you, but I'm willing to do just about anything to receive quality care these days.

If this post helps even a few women out there get better treatment, then it was worth it. Especially after the horror stories I've heard lately where women have been brushed off for way too long, only to find out later that serious medical conditions were behind years of suffering needlessly, and could have been avoided,

Also, as many stories as we hear, I hate to think of the stories that we never hear: the women that never got proper medical care and lived a life full of pain, or the women who ultimately lost their lives because their condition wasn't found until it was terminal, This should not be happening, ever.

Love & Light,

Jane

*PS... I've included a few reference photos below of the type of neutral, casual work outfit I'd usually wear to appointments, to give you an idea of what I mean. I am an Amazon Associate, so the images are clickable and will take you to the listing if you wish to browse!)